


He Never Notices (Until It’s Too Late)

by London_The_Loser



Category: bts
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Self Harm, TaeTae is trying, i don’t know how to tag things, jungkook needs a hug, self deprecation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-03 16:20:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19467634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/London_The_Loser/pseuds/London_The_Loser
Summary: The small things. The bad things. Those are the things Jeon Jungkook notices. The good things, the important thing. Well, he doesn’t seem to pick up on those.





	He Never Notices (Until It’s Too Late)

Jungkook notices a lot of things. He notices the faces in the crowd. He notices the sly lilt in Tæ’s voice as he sings his part. He notices the flashing lights and how they blind him for a couple seconds. But he always notices the most important things....

Too late. 

As he focuses on the flashing lights and the faces of the crowd and the beautiful slyness in Taehyung’s voice, he took no notice of the strain in his voice. He took no notice in the strange partings and cuts in his song, disrupting the peaceful bliss of his smooth voice. It wasn’t until he was sat at home, scrolling through his twitter page that he notices. Notices far too late. 

He sat on his bed, ruefully staring at the post displayed on the screen. It was a clip, a clip of the slight cuts in his voice and the gross cracks. The ones he didn’t notice. He tried, he really did try to turn his phone off. To remember why he quit social media in the first place. But as he caught a glimpse of the first comment, he couldn’t stop scrolling. For some strange reason, the tsunamis of defenders meant nothing against the darkness of the offenders. Words cut like knives into Jungkooks soul. His happiness withered, and his hope flickered in his eyes before going out. Although, he didn’t notice. He never notices. Until it’s too late. 

He always tried so hard, he had done everything to become the perfect Maknae. He worked out more than he should, he cut back on his diet, and when he made a mistake he would punish himself. In any way, pinching himself, taking away his once a day treat. He noticed the fat on his neck, he noticed his disgusting need for sugar, he noticed the few times he snapped back instead of answered politely. But he didn’t notice the growing tiredness, he didn’t notice the ribs that faintly began poking out from his skin, he didn’t notice his quietness as he tried to be as polite as possible. Jeon Jungkook notices a lot of things, but the things that matter are noticed far too late. 

He never noticed his crippling fear while he was on stage. He pushed it back. He ignored it. He chose not to notice the hurt, the desperation to please, the terror that he’ll do the exact opposite. 

His heart pounded in his chest. He was just so tired, so worn, his voice so sore. He hadn’t noticed. Does he ever? He tried desperately to hide the stumble in his footsteps, the clumsiness as he dances. He tried to hide how hard he pushed to make his voice come out. He tried to hide it hide it hide it hide it hide hidehidehidehidehide- maybe they wouldn’t notice.

The pounding grew louder, and his eyes drooped steadily. He noticed the screams of fans, the lights, the concerned looks being thrown his way..... 

Which means they noticed. 

They saw. 

He couldn’t hide it. 

He couldn’t hide. 

Trapped, he was trapped. 

He was scared he was alone he was hurt he was tired he couldn’t hide they were staring at him he was trapped- and he didn’t notice his breath speed up. He didn’t notice his cue. He didn’t notice his vision tilt. He didn’t notice how the screams shifted from excitement to worry. And he didn’t notice his body falling forward. He didn’t notice the pain in his knees as he landed harshly on them. Or the hands tugging on his shirt. The voices asking if he was okay. He didn’t notice his chest heaving. The tears slipping down his face. He noticed his thoughts, how they swirled and grew and twisted and morphed. He never noticed the important things, did he. 

Someone was lifting him up, someone was walking him off the stage. He ruined the show. He disappointed them. He ruined them. He failed. He showed his imperfections. He wasn’t supposed to have imperfections. He needed to think of a punishment, something suitable for such a monumental failure. But before he could find something suitable, he heard someone calling his name. He felt a hand wipe a tear off his cheek. He felt a hug from the side. 

His vision cleared, but his head did anything but. He felt it hit him. What he had just done, the sound of fans, Joon and Suga’s voices echoing as they talked through the microphones. His chest felt heavy, his lungs felt smaller, and he wanted nothing more than to disappear. A soothing voice interrupted him, and he tried as hard as he could to listen, to notice him more than everything else. He was the important thing, the kind of thing he never noticed. And he needed to notice. Before it was too late. 

“Shh shh don’t worry Jungkookie, you’re safe, you’re okay. Just breathe, breathe for me okay?”

Jungkook would anything for Taehyung. He would be perfect for him. He would be good for him. He wouldn’t fail, never. For him. And he would breathe for him. 

The videos taken by fans of the events prior blew up. Millions had watched it. Almost all members of the ARMY knew. Anyone who wasn’t an ARMY might have also caught word. An easy way to target young Jungkook. And boy did they hit every bullseye. 

Jungkook ran harder, danced better, practiced more, ate less, acted nicer. He had to be perfect. He had to make it up to them. He had to prove that he was perfect. He needed to please everyone. 

As Jungkook stared at himself in the mirror, he noticed his hands trembling. He noticed the fat on his neck. He noticed the blemishes on his face. He noticed the soreness of his throat. And he wanted to scream. He wanted to cry and he wanted to punch something. 

Double checking to make sure the door was locked, just in case is band members showed up early from their shopping spree. When he was sure, he stared up at the mirror. He let his hands shake harder and he let salty tears slipped down his cheek. His face contorted in rage at how weak he was. Perfection doesn’t come with weakness. His hands crazily gripped at his hair, he eyes had gone mad. He hated everything about him. His stupid face and his weak body. His fists balled up, and before he could notice the molten anger seeping through him, his throat felt more raw, his knuckles were bloody and the mirror was shattered...

He hadn’t noticed the open window. He hadn’t noticed the fans standing below the hotel. He hadn’t notice how they now had videos of Jungkook, broken and hysterical. He hadn’t noticed as they watched him take a shard of glass. Nor did he notice their gasps as he carefully carved lines into his wrist. All he noticed was the single thought ringing through his head...

Suitable punishment was needed. 

Taehyung notices many things. But he seemingly failed to notice exactly how bad Jungkook was getting. 

Sadness filled the members, sadness that this is how they learned how serious things were with their beloved Kookie 

Jungkook didn’t notice the sad looks in their eye as he explained why the mirror was broken. And he didn’t notice his phone buzzing as thousands of tweets were posted with his name tagged in them. Jungkook wasn’t allowed to eat today, and he wasn’t allowed to use his phone for a week. He would continue to mark his wrist 5 times everything night for 3 days, and the showers he took would have to be set to as hot as the water could go. He deserved it. If he wanted to be perfect, he needed punishment. 

Tweet after tweet after tweet filled the band members phones, videos and clips and posts filled with everything the 6 boys feared the most.

Taehyung notices the way Jungkook stares longingly at the food given to him before pushing it away, claiming he’s not hungry. Taehyung notices how often he runs, and how little he sleeps. Taehyung notices the bandages peaking out from under his long sleeves. Taehyung notices, and he watches...

As Jeon Jungkook falls apart.

As Jeon Jungkook notices the small things, the bad things.

As Jeon Jungkook once again neglects to notice the important things...

Until it’s too late.


End file.
